Well, today was Easter and of course I went to church, colored eggs, and even hid eggs for my siblings to do an Easter egg hunt. While those things were fun, it was a very difficult day. This morning I went to my boyfriends church service where his family and mom always attend. His mom used to play in the bell choir before she passed in January. Of course, today they chose to have the bell choir play and I was not expecting that, and I completely broke down. Once they played, I had the hardest time sitting through the rest of the service. It was one of those moments that I knew would happen eventually, but just wasn’t expecting that moment to happen today. So, with no tissue in my purse I had to get up and walk past everyone to the bathroom. Once there, I felt free to sob and blow my nose as many times as I had to. I felt so bad to leave my boyfriend in that moment, but I just couldn’t handle it. I had to get away for a minute and just collect my thoughts and emotions. I miss my mother in law so much…
My point in writing this blog is that if you have ever lost someone you love, you know how difficult holidays can be. This is the first holiday without my mother in law and it had been absolutely heartbreaking. While I continued with my Easter after that breakdown this morning, it wasn’t easy. It was hard to enjoy coloring eggs and the Easter egg hunts, but I realized that wasn’t what she would want for me. She would want me to know that she is playing in the bell choir in heaven, and having a wonderful Easter up there with Jesus. How amazing that must have been for her. When I started to think of it that way, it helped a little, but didn’t take away all the pain. Sometimes life can feel so overwhelming, but it was nice to have the reminder that the Lord is always with me.
There may be some of you who have lost loved ones who felt the same way as I did today. It can be very difficult, but I know we have to continue on and do what would make them proud. I know with time things will get easier, but I will always miss her. I hope after reading this blog you know that you aren’t alone in your grief if you are experiencing something similar. I believe our loved ones will always be with us, and so will the Lord. Together they will give us strength and help us through any situation we may face.
While today was difficult, I was very thankful to be with my family and get to celebrate Jesus rising from the grave. I am so thankful for what he did for me. The day was beautiful, sunny, and full of hope. I wish nothing but the best for you if you are going through something similar. You will be in my prayers.